im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
