Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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