dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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