So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
