That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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