i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
