Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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