You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
