her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
