It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
