Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
