Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
