So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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