I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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