Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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