Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
