She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
