The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize