Hippo gnu deer
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize