So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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