They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
