Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
