He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
