i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
