i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
