Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
