My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
