If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
