her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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