Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
