so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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