My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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