so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
