I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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