I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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