One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
