My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
