I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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