So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
