I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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