yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
