You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize