just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A bitchslap is in order.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
