despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
