WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
