You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
