My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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