Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
