3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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