i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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