id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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