grandma shit on top of the toilet
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
