Swine flu. Run for my life!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
