My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
