Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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