Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
