bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
