I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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