the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
