I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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