Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
