babies were throwing up all over the place
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
